Finding a sense of humor when you’re in the thick of things either denotes ultimate faith that things will turn out or a complete loss of reality. I am hoping for the former. Jesper, the Vampire, is distracted by the lemon, but he still holds me at his whim and Morena, well, she turns out to be very touchy in a crisis. Of course, maybe this wasn’t a crisis yet.
Jesper speaks, “I know what a lemon is.”
“Well, you asked.”
He growls at me but it’s half-hearted. He begins to straighten, lets go of my waist but not my arm, his eyes fixated on the lemon in my other hand.
Fascinated by it, he asks, “What is it for?”
“Treatment.” I straighten so now he is just holding my forearm.
“You can hardly be serious,” he replies.
The fluorescent blue of his eyes starts to fade, his narrow fangs begin to retract. I’ve never seen a vampire like him. The fangs in themselves are a first for me, narrow like reeds but long. They seem to disappear back into his gums above his canines, not as part of them. Then just those blue-grey eyes, contemplating the fruit in my hand. The fact that he can’t tear his eyes away from it says it all. He’s even ignoring the small scrap of blood he left on my forearm.
“You’re sun-starved. Your..um…friend came to me for help. It’s a common affliction in older vampires. The dreams are a symptom, like a bad cough.”
His hand releases the grip on my forearm and slides down to my wrist, now barely holding it. It makes me shiver. He glances at me, quizzically. He sends a very disapproving look at Morena who trembles for a second under it and then he looks back at me. And I know what he’s about to say from the way he rolls his shoulders back, tilts his head up a an inch.
“I am Vampire.”
There’s this moment, this strange moment, when my gut tells me: Bullshit! But I’ve seen the fangs, the eyes, the super speed. I don’t trust my gut with this vamp. I can already tell I need a better wall up for any next meeting. Time to bore him with the details that most vampires hate to hear.
“Life seeks balance in all things, even vampires. The Classical elements, whether you go Buddhist, Greek, or Chinese, all have the basic four: Air, Earth, Water, Fire. Air, you breath, not like mortals but you do breath. Earth, blood is loaded with earth elements like Carbon and it is, after all, what you’re made of. Water, you either drink outright or get from the blood you consume. But Fire, on the other hand. Well, vampires are extremely sensitive to fire, like the sun.”
“Sensitive?” Jesper the Vampire raises an eyebrow at me and then looks back at the lemon. “And that helps how?”
I hold it up for him, watch the miniscule flinch it causes him. “Think of this as the sun in liquid form.”
“And what do you propose I do with it?”
“Suck on it.”
Jesper the Vampire shakes himself, as if repulsed by the very idea. But he is staring again.
“You want me to suck…a lemon?”
I push a dirty thought aside. Damn positive vampire…and he’s not actively controlling it either. “Yes,” I say a little forced before I reign it in. “I used to use oranges but they’re more subtle and my early patients were able to deny the effects. Lemons are unmistakable and pack a sufficient punch.”
He drops my wrist and I grab it back, holding it against my chest for a strange sense of comfort. His eyes fixate on the lemon, widening even. I can see him thinking.
“This will cure me?” he asks softly.
“Cure is probably not the right word. Likely not in one shot.”
He tosses me a look.
“If I’d been given a chance to examine you, I might know for sure. But it will definitely help.”
Morena, who has seemingly faded from the room with all Jesper’s positive juju floating around me, speaks up, “It won’t harm him?”
I turn toward her, glad for the reprieve. “Not at all.” I give myself a breath, try to be subtle about it. But as I turn around, I needn’t have bothered. He doesn’t even see me any more. All his focus is on the lemon, as if his gaze could peel it open and unveil its secrets. I slowly set it down on the coffee table.
“Why don’t I leave this with you? You can take your time assessing…it, decide what you want to do, whether you’ll let me help you.” I take a step back. I reach into my pocket and draw out my backup plan. “Here’s my card and —.”
His eyes change to bright blue for an instant and then, whoosh, he grabs the lemon, and his fangs descend into it, some juice spurting out, as he swallows the rest. His eyes flash open, glowing gold now, before he shudders and clenches them shut. He begins to fall, like the fall of a feather, unconscious. I react immediately, run over, catch him before he hits the floor. Or rather, he falls on me, as I slide between him and the floor, his head landing in my lap.
I hear the click of Morena’s gun as she readies it, pointing it at me.
“What did you do to him?” she barks. I might ask myself the same question.
Vampirony 